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49,119 smashes / 120,709 upvotes / smashed from 34,845 real headlines
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Those Chemical Peels That Melt Your Face Off With Homeless People That Makes Yakuza Games BuzzFeed CNN Giant Bomb io9 Jezebel NPR Two Way
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Oh, Star Wars, Basically io9 Kotaku
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Cut the Shit and Vaccinate Your Kid Into a Trampoline Gawker Hacker News io9 Jezebel Valleywag
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Russia and the Physics of Evolution Gawker Hacker News io9
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Volcanoes Can "Recharge" With New $199 Nook Tablet io9 NPR Two Way Tested
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Guys, Shut Up, the Giant Robot Vision io9 Kotaku
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Abraham, Martin and Trayvon: Five Decades as a Dwarf BuzzFeed Huffington Post io9
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French Archaeologists Discover Beautifully Preserved Deformed Skull of Answering Machines and Genitals Huffington Post io9 The Blaze
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Tony Stark Loves Being a Racist Email CNN Hacker News io9
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How Barf-Inducing Vampire Sex Gave Me the Head of Badges, Straitjackets and Britney Spears Livestream Mess BuzzFeed Defamer Gawker io9 New York Times Lede
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Gary Oldman Has a Sick Chin BuzzFeed io9
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It's Doubtful This Survival Jacket Will Get Faster This Spring Giant Bomb io9 Kotaku
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Why Nearly Half of Today's Current Technologies Will Be Running in Slo-Mo for Haiti Disaster CNN Defamer io9 Upworthy
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Aziz Is the Earth Glowing Green? Defamer io9
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Gravity Falls Returns While Starscream Is Freaked Out When She Didn't Win the Internets Defamer io9 Upworthy
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How Unborn Turtles Choose to Become Gotham City for 5-Year-Old's Make-A-Wish BuzzFeed io9
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Deus Ex: Human Revolution Appears to Show Public Execution in Texas Bill Clinton Can Still Change Your Sex Life BuzzFeed CNN Giant Bomb Huffington Post io9 The Blaze
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The NSA Is Copying Buffy Season 4! Gawker io9
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Snake Hiding in the Same People Who Think They Are Weird BuzzFeed Gawker io9 Kotaku Upworthy
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More Americans Think Their Taxes Are "About Right" Than Think They Are Beaten And tortured BuzzFeed Hacker News io9 New York Post ThinkProgress
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America's Creepiest Abandoned Amusement Park to Protest Anti-Abortion and Contraception Bills CNN io9 ThinkProgress
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This Handsome Sea Creature Is Freaky All by Herself io9 Jezebel
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Nintendo Responds to Hip Hop's Obsession With Unicorns Giant Bomb io9 Jezebel Upworthy
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Daddy, Where Do Space Whales Come From? Huffington Post io9
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How to Make a Comeback Thanks to Channing Tatum BuzzFeed Defamer io9
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NOW I Remember Why I Called the CEO of the Parking Meter BuzzFeed Hacker News Huffington Post io9
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Tina Fey About Abducted Girls Gone Home: The Kotaku Review Defamer Gawker io9
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I'm Not Going to Look Like Rocket Ships BuzzFeed CNN io9
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A Microscopic Organism That Eats DNA Instead of Throwing Things at QuakeCon CNN Giant Bomb io9 Upworthy
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Living With Your Mediocre Action Movie Posters BuzzFeed Gawker Giant Bomb io9
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Guy Offers to Bake Obama Cookies if He Is Eligible to Be president CNN Gawker io9 NPR Two Way New York Post ThinkProgress
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More NSA Employees Found to Have Sex. Literally BuzzFeed io9 New York Post
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Lanternshark Is Part Shark, Part Lightsaber, All Awesome 8-Year-Old Boy Suspended for Gambling CNN Gawker io9
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The My Little Pony Spinoff: Teenage Horse-Girls With Manes. And Hands io9 Jezebel
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Alternatives to a Science Experiment CNN Hacker News io9
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A Teenager's Journey Through the History Channel Gawker io9 r/funny
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This Is Your New Crack BuzzFeed io9
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Wilkins Ice Shelf Lost Its Mind io9 Nature
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This Uncanny Orb Is a "Reformed Slut" Who Expects Flowers From Her Slut-Shamed Adolescence Gawker io9 Jezebel
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How to Feel Like a Heroin Addiction BuzzFeed io9