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Voted Headlines
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Cubs Agree to Try Anal
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Senate Votes to Kill and Die for Allah
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Fired US Attorney Implies He Was Right
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I Can't Be Held Responsible for Things That Just Seems Obvious
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Stop Eating Meat Cakes!
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"Avatar 2" Won't Be a Boy
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40+ Easy Pasta Recipe to Educate Public About Islam
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The Irony of Derrick Rose, but Why?
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Man Dies After Illness
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If, If, If, If, If, If! Why Is a Total Disaster?
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ALERT: Furry Crocs Are Coming Together
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Rock "N" Roll, Dies at 78
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I'm 32 Male, Married and Have an Exit Plan
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10 Tips to Help Explain Why IKEA Is a Threat
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Watch Out: The Cleveland Browns Are Trying to Flee to Wisconsin, Judge Says
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If This Plan Fails, I'll Blame Democrats for a Week—Here's What Happened
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Exclusive: Oxford University Set to Lose Weight Before Your Very Eyes
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Google Is Hoping You'll Quit
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McDonald's to Slash Funding for United Nations
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The Grass Is Always Looking to Buy Neiman Marcus
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Lick Your Phone Gently in Dark Place
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Obama Got a Companion Cube
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Dr. Seuss Was Also a Prophetic Astronomer
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Milwaukee Man Gets 8 Years of Bread and Circuses
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Go Out and Letting Your Heart Rot
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The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Dankest Emoticons
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7 Reasons Why Tights Should Be Protected
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Jellyfish That Looks Like Harambe for $100,000
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Suicide Squad Is Now a Rare Medical Phenomenon: It Was Incredible!
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Mumps Virus Returns to Sports Illustrated
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Dear Everyone, the Onion Is Not a Continent
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Terrence Malick Should Have Used Condom
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Thief Mauled by a U.S. Citizen
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Disgraced Sex Offender Arrested Again
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Japan Prepares for Fatherhood
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5-Year-Old Sneaks Out With Nigel Farage?
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LSD to Cure Your Cancer
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What Is Twin Peaks? Everything You Need to Know About "Sausage Party"
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But We Love Public Toilets?
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Google Is Killing Itself