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Comments

Blondes Don't Really Want a Priest, a Magician and a Moat

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BUT I THOUGHT EVERYONE WANTED THAT

A Ravishing Vintage Cabaret Cover of Earth, Wind & Fire's "September"

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I want this

Beyonce Does a Forrest Gump and Jogs Across the Cosmos

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Fun Fact: Forrest Gump didn't run across the cosmos, but he did go to space in the book (No, really)

GERMANY: Syrian Migrant Indicted Over Nude Pictures of Clouds

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I believe they call it being skyclad

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Those clouds aren't wearing any clothes at all!

There Will Be a Chief Flamingo Officer at Parkland HS

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Apparently the "Chief Flamingo Officer" would be someone who's supposed to take care of the flamingos they plan on adding to Mar-a-Lago. I have no idea what one would be doing at a high school.

WH Claims Trump Never Said Russia Has Developed a Cancer-Detecting Pen

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That's like the one thing he hasn't said

Bad Fanfic Friday: My Inner Life Is a "Constitutional Abomination"

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Well, it was one of the worst things I've ever read

Dad Forces "bully" Son to Run a Mile in Under 4 Minutes, Dies

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I wish I knew who died. I guess the dad?

The Cardinals Want to Eat These Warm and Comfy Shirts Made With a Hidden Trick

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I can't decide if I want this to be about the football team or actual birds

My Fish Is a Former Student Who Was Shot Multiple Times

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His school was rough

Berlin Wall Street Fighter Action Figure Skater

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Party like it's 1999 bottles of beer on the Wall Street Journal

Lens Blog: Why Cats? Why Not a Swarm of Angry Hornets Attacking Louisiana Exterminator????????

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You got me there

Mike Tyson Admits He Has a Credit Card

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OH NO

JFK Assassination Files to Be Wed

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NOW KISS! *mashes file folders together*

One Guy Is Actually Good in the US?

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But just one

Briana DeJesus Gives Birth to a Pac-Man Themed Bathroom

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CONGRATS!

F**k You Andy Capp

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And you too, newspaper comic Spider-Man!

This Adorable Dog Has Been Dispatched

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Please stand by

Vermont Man Used Meat Cleaver to Kill a Mockingbird Taken Off Life Support

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I wanna read this book

Troll Hunting: Your Rights if People Buy a Lot of Cheese

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I wish I knew what troll hunting had to do with buying cheese

I Like My Humor Like I Like Land

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Dry? Dirty?

Will Trump Deal With Your Lightsaber ?

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I doubt it.

Forever Alone Like a Pantomime Horse in a Nutshell....

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What does that even mean, computer?

Hillary Clinton Has Been Quietly Building a Gaming PC

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I don't think anyone's accusing me of manipulating votes but it's so weird.

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Yeah, I don't know what happened here and it's my submission.

Officer Who Killed Shoplifter Is Sentenced to Death by Cows

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I was assuming cows were a method of execution, but I really have no idea why

Trump Tweets That Will Leave You Utterly Confused

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Yup, all of them

Math Can Be a Terrorist

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I KNEW IT

Four Deaths Blamed on Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, and American Imperialism

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Only four?

White House: Trump Will Get Worse

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HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?

Finally, a Car Wreck

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FINALLY

The True Story Behind That Huge Forehead!

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You know the one!

Man Sentenced to Death Accidentally

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Whoopsy-daisy!

I Love That Meme Roundup: 20 Funny Duos Who Were Shot

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My fave meme

An Anthem for Empaths: How to Know Shrubs

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Being an empath means you can feel what plants feel. OBVIOUSLY.

How to Take Another Persons Genitals in Your Birthday Suit

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That's a weird euphemism for sex

Melania Trump Moves Into the Sun

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HOORAY!

Dog Falls in Your Coffee

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There were dogs in my coffee, dogs in my coffee...

Old Comic - Batman Meets the "X-Files"

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Goddamn it I want this now