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Comments

Stretch Armstrong Gets Engaged to UFC Heavyweight Travis Browne

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Congratulations!

Parasites Could Be in Jail for Hacking Minecraft, Xbox Live, and Others

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Literal computer bugs in jail

I Buried My Own Stalker :D

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Yay!

Klingons Are Very Concerned

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yIDaQo' umqu' ghot

Prankster Parents Who Have Gone Vegan

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"That's not meat, son. That's tofu! I pranked you so good!"

Rick Perry Takes Time to Seriously Get Into Insane Clown Posse

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I really wanna know what his Juggalo name is

Hillary Clinton Has Been Quietly Building a Gaming PC

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Honestly, I dunno, anitbot. Personally I think the one about Rick Perry taking time to get into ICP is way funnier

I Ate Too Many Straight White Males

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*burp*

Cubs, Brewers Square Off in Blue Bikini

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Are they all wearing a single bikini? Wow.

Former North Korea Border Wall Street Fighter

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As they say in that Big Little Dipper Dipper song, "Party like it's 1999 bottles of beer on the Wall Street Journal."

This Is the Third Most Instagrammed Place in Hell...

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What is it and what are the other two?

Great News! A Hot Air Balloon Accident in Oakland

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Fantastic!

Helen Hunt Had No Hope for Kids, Now Expecting Miracle Baby Kangaroo

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She should've gotten a goat

The Alternative Currency of a Bitch!

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They are called...bitchcoins

Weetabix Sold to Arkansas Not Intended for Executions

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Glad we're not killing people with cereal

A Baby Is Born to the Gravedigger

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This sounds more like a pretentious indie film than a newspaper headline, but it's still quite the title

Cowboys Reportedly Emerge as President's Biggest Obstacle

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I'm gonna assume this is about literal cowboys and not the football team

Patrick Stewart in Drag Has Been Accepted Into All 8 Ivy League Schools

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Congrats!

Blake Lively Gave Birth to Kittens, Dies

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RIP

The Bear Says It Will Gut Low-Income Communities

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Nooo

Sorry It's a Dumpling

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:(

Oh Look, a New Body Farm

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YAAAY!

J.K. Rowling Reminds Us That Beast Is Just a Three-Foot-Long Shipworm

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She would know

Fire Started by Burning Books Destroys 10 Homes While Burning Books Destroys 10 Homes

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Go home, Headline Smasher. You're drunk.

The Pasta That Got Stuck Between 2 Trees

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I wish I knew why this made me giggle

High School Cheerleader Could Be Batman

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I want this movie now.

Redskins Star Was Wearing a Hat

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NO WAY

My Ill-Fated Attempt to Go Back to the Pub

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Accurate summary of Shaun of the Dead is accurate.

The Elephant in the Silence Between Our Tears

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I think this sounds like some twee indie song title. I need to write it.

The Many (OK, Just One) Parallels of Yoga and Sex Ed

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And it turns out only the word "ed" is new. Dang.

Not Pooping Your Pants Is One of the Academy Awards

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I'm gonna win this for sure!

There's an Instagram Account Called Tips for Women From a Toaster

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I'm disappointed this doesn't exist yet.

Why Is Google Evil? I Don't Know, Lemme Google It

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This is more or less a real headline http://www.upworthy.com/is-google-evil-i-dont-know-lemme-google-it