ranjello

Comments

Jimmy Fallon Says the Shutdown Is Hurting Trump, Too: He Can't Golf

ranjello

Did the government shut down again?

Chiefs-Patriots and Rams-Saints Promise One Thing: Lots of Wild Monkeys With Herpes—and That Number Could Double Soon

ranjello

By the end of the stagnant Super Bowl LIII, the monkey herpes growth rate had declined to 0%.

ranjello

I think that number doubled with the Patriots and Rams' overtime victories.

Great White Shark Attacks Great White Shark Attacks Great White Shark Attacks Great White Shark Attacks Great White Shark Tank's

ranjello

Great White Shark Tank's what?

See Toto's "Africa" Played on a Banana

ranjello

"Africa" has already been played on food.

Michigan Restaurant Owner Offers Free Meals

ranjello

It really happened.

Steve King Removed From Office

ranjello

FINALLY!!!!!!!!

Lemme...*hic* Lemme Tell You About Stairs, Bro!

ranjello

IT *HIC............... KEEPS HAPPENING

Trump Offers a Peek at Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire

ranjello

Really? I thought it came out over four years ago!

The Government Is Shut Down

ranjello

That is currently correct.

Where's the Dinner Party, I Brought My Can Opener for NOTHING!

ranjello

Dinner isn't all about cans.

China Is Building a 1,000-Mile Wall?

ranjello

No, it already built a Great Wall.

Robots Are Replacing Humans in Cemeteries

ranjello

It's great!

The German Economy Just Had Sex With a Capital C

ranjello

Cex?

2018 Is Here, Baby!

ranjello

And time just started turning back!

Homer Was a Poet

ranjello

True.

10 Reasons Why Santa Is Sexy (?)

ranjello

You forgot 40,999,996 other reasons!

Hallucinations and $100,000: The Poker Player Who Shut Himself in a Suitcase for Traveling Overseas?

ranjello

Maybe. I'm not sure.

Eleven-Year-Old Boy Named Trump Is Telling Migranrs to "Go Thru the Desert"

ranjello

What are these things you call "migranrs?"

Boy, 7, Found Dead at 85

ranjello

That's 11 years older than that other boy!

Sex Has Been Fulfilled

ranjello

In other words, sex has been uncancelled.

Sex Has Been Cancelled

ranjello

This headline deserves all of these retweets it's getting.

Monks Use Light Sabers to Fight Terrorists

ranjello

They must be counter-terrorist Jedi!

Trump Says He's "Very Seriously" Considering Presidential Run

ranjello

(For a Second Term)

Medieval Peasant Food Was Frigging Delicious and the Female Body Organs

ranjello

I love the taste of roast uterus.

IS the Latest News From 2018?

ranjello

No. I smashed this headline in early 2019.

Festival to Celebrate New Year's Eve

ranjello

And it's the start of the UTC New Year.

Red Dead Dungeon

ranjello

A Roguelike game set in the Red Dead universe, I suppose.

The Boss Tears Down His Pants

ranjello

Bruce Stripsjeans

Cleveland Browns Fire Hue Jackson Fired as Cleveland Browns Fire Hue Jackson

ranjello

A redundant headline made redundant as it is a redundant headline.

Theresa May Not Have to Sacrifice a Goat

ranjello

Is it Theresa May or some other Theresa...?

Perhaps It's Time for Blood Rituals and Unspeakable Acts of Evil

ranjello

Perhaps indeed.

Hillary Clinton Has Been Quietly Building a Gaming PC

ranjello

I think you should delete your comment, velocity. It's unrelated to this headline.

Thomas the Tank Engine Is Finally Coming Out

ranjello

Is this LGBT?

Crunchyroll and Funimation Join Forces to Bring Back My Mother

ranjello

And then they lose their partnership when the transmutation goes awry.

Oh, No, No, No. No, No, No, No, No.

ranjello

"Oh, Yes. Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, YES!!!!"

Two-Year-Old Toddler Dies at 91

ranjello

That's even worse than a teenager collapsing and dying at 69!

Game Records No One Did Incest and Murder Like the Penguin (Batman)

ranjello

How is this getting attention?

3 Signs You May Be Over 600

ranjello

1. We have entered an endless recursion of time.
2. We have entered an endless recursion of time.
3. We have entered an endless recursion of time.

Japanese Biologist Wins Nobel Prize as He Is Literally the Strongest Wizard

ranjello

Biology is MAGIC!