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Comments

"The Golden Hour" Is a Total Sham

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Take that, Terrence Malick.

Baby Elephant That Fell in Love With an Abandoned Egg in Berlin

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That deadbeat Mayzie Bird's up to her old tricks again.

Paleontologists Find Giant Dinosaur Bone in My Body!...

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I slipped and landed on Aretha Franklin's couch, and the next thing I knew...

Man Keeps His Life Savings in a Shmup

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Lucky bastard has a copy of Hyper Duel.

Mushrooms Are Full of Firepower

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Uh, no, you're thinking of flowers.

Sex Toys for Toddlers

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This almost crossed the line to "so awful I can't bring myself to save it" from "so awful I have to save it." You upvoted it before I could have second thoughts, haha.

"Yesterday" Is a Secret Hitler Dogwhistle

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"Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be" = Hitler only had one ball. "There's a shadow hanging over me" = the perceived Zionist threat. "Oh, I believe in yesterday" = Nazi irredentism.

The Struggle of Being Racist

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This is just every other NYT op-ed.

A Near Fall 1989 Promo Shows the "Terminator" NES Game That Is Stuffed With CHEETOS

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It was eventually released as Journey to Sabritas.

American Healthcare System in a Haiku

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Sent to the ER
Insurance won't cover trip
Medicare For All

Masters of Manipulation: Evolution of Realism to Abstract Expressionism Eventually Led to Arm Being Amputated Leg

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This makes so little and so much sense.

Arby's Wants People to See the Horror Coming

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Some restaurants just shouldn't have open kitchens.

BOOM! Missouri Will Soon Disappear Forever

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At the very least spare Sparky's Ice Cream!

14-Year-Old Girl Under Investigation After 29 Horse Deaths

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Equus II just wasn't as compelling as the original.

đŸ‘‰ Radiohead Donates Money to Directly Fund Terrorists

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We're not scaremongering—this is really happening!

The Left Wants Trump IN His Butt

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In his OWN butt, I mean. I want him to blink out of existence like the kangaroo jumping into its own pouch in that one WB cartoon.

WHEN You Don't Drink, to Avoid Tick-Borne Illnesses

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That's really overreacting. Just don't order anything with a twist of Lyme.

Review: The Man With Knife

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He have powerful weapon
He charge million a stab
Assassin that second to none
The man with knife

I Hide Gold Doubloons in My Coochie !

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Instead of your booty?

This Horse Was One of the Pence Daughters

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Ahahahaha, this one's incredible.

4 Tarot Cards That Mean Good Things for Your Pussy

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The Lovers, The King of Wands, The Tower, The Tower (reversed)

What's Finished but Will Never End

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A headboard?

Beto O'Rourke's presidential campaign?

I Even Create Bookmarks With My Kidneys... ??

rollersnake

This is, like, a line from a sappy drama about a dying child who loves reading more than anything else in the world, when the doctor is trying to explain renal casts to him.

Co-Workers Should Not Be Sponges...

Rolls-Royce Year of Protest

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2021, if everything goes as well as it can.

Sega Pledges to Decriminalize Magic Mushrooms

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Sega does what Nintendon't.

Donald Trump Spreads

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I hate every possible interpretation of this.

This Green Sauce Is the Perfect Companion for Every Classic Infocom Text-Adventure Game!

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Great, now I'm even MORE likely to be eaten by a Grue.

Steven Tyler Once Adopted a German Shepherd Named Major E.Coli

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Still cracks me up. Just the mental image of this intimidating ex-police dog with a poopy butt, being scolded by Steven Tyler with his Steven Tyler face.

Where Is Full of Blood?

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Bjork, clutching a knife, with a deranged gleam in her eye: "It's all INSIDE you!"

OMG! I Can't Stop Laughing Barney Is Still Overheating

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Everyone reading this who was in elementary school in the mid-'90s just felt a twinge of nostalgia.

Rubber Ducky? Sounds More Like a Total Loser

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Gee, Bert, that's not very nice!

The Essential GameShark Codes You Need to Survive Allergy Season

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Be really, really careful if you do this. A guy I knew in college had an integer overflow and immediately died of anaphylactic shock. :(

Women Are Better Than Recent Sonic Games

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Sonic Mania excepted, of course.

Sweet Buns, Sebastian Gorka

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The Dragon of Bootypest

Truly Horrifying Things Discovered in the Rice

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I see my dad's pilaf made the news again.

Beluga Whale Alleged to Be the Hottest One

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She's alright, I guess? Kinda underwhelming compared to a dragon, or even a bus-sized crocodile.

"Bohemian Rhapsody" With No Micro-Transactions!

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I'm just a poor boy, I need no DLC

Celebrities Who Are They OR AREN'T THEY?

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Do They or Don't They Know Anything? Let's Find Out or Not!

Panther-Like Large Cat Suspected of Cemetery Drug Stash

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This one assures you, he has never seen this skooma before.